One thing I kept hearing after my diagnosis was: “You are too young”.
I heard it the first time I got the news. “You have Colon cancer. It’s sad seeing that you are very young. It usually affects older people”. Every time I heard that I pictured myself in a red flamingo dress sliding on a stage and shouting “taarraaaaaaa……Here I am…… I have it …..I have it”!!!!!!
It really did not matter if I was young or not but it’s like people thought I would feel much better if I knew that the majority of people who have colon cancer are older.
I never knew how to respond. “Should I say thank you because they think I’m young or be sad that I have old peoples cancer.” Most of the time I just stood or sat there staring at them and nodding till they felt uncomfortable(mean huh!!!)
New year came and with it new anxieties. *Sigh*
I have never ever made new year’s resolutions but I felt compelled to make at least just one this time around and it was: ” This year I will beat cancer.”
I had a wonderful support system so this was going to be smooth sailing. Who I’m I kidding!!….. It was going to be hard, it was going to be insane but I had enough people holding my hand and whispering a prayer on my behalf.
On the 2nd of January I “officially” checked into my hotel room. I was going to be here for a week so I familiarized myself with my suite. I knew where the towels were kept, where to keep my stuff and where the extra blankets were. It was winter and one blanket was not going to do it for me. I needed at least three and a hot water bottle(I do not travel without one). My roommate also checked in and after the pleasantries(how did they find out, wow you are so young, what time is your surgery etc etc) I left for home.
Things were getting real. I was about to have surgery. Someone was going to dissect me and see my insides. He was going to play doctor with my insides and cut out a sizeable chunk of my intestine. I couldn’t help but wonder “Does it look like the matumbo (tripe) we eat”??(I know………… gross but seriously does it look like matumbo???)
On sunday I was back at the hospital. But before my little brother dropped me I spent a few hours with lil man. Those that know me know that this buddle of joy is the love of my life. He is the product of my brother and the cutest little person ever!!!!!! He has me hashtagging(is this even a word?) like crazy #proudauntymoments. #feedinglilman #lovehim #Lilbae.
If you see him you will understand.
I got the pre surgery pep talk plus the do’s and don’ts. I think they were just being nice to cover up the fact that they were mean, horrible people (Ok I might be exaggerating a little bit) who were going to insert things up my…….. well you know what……. that place where the sun don’t shine. Yes I got an enema… ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh the horror!!!!!!!!! Why would these people do that to sweet young me??? It was not fair…(This is me having a fit.. I know a’m bad at it. Truth be told I ended up crawling into a fetal position and started questioning my existence)
I don’t think I slept a wink that night. Not because I was going to have surgery come morning but because at 6am I was going to have another enema. What did these people think I had been eating????? Seriously one was enough there was no need for them to torture me.. Sadists… You can’t inflict pain on people and go about your business like nothing has happened (again me ranting) The fact is I took it like a…………….*There is no way I can finish this sentence properly,,, absolutely no way*
At around 8 am I was wheeled into a pre-op room.. My vitals were monitored for half an hour and then it was prep time.. Ooohh boy!!!!
So many things went through my mind.
“Good morning.” Said my surgeon. “We have met before”. I nodded in agreement.
“Hallo I will be in charge of knocking you out today” Said another doctor. “Great this one has a sense of humor.” I thought to myself. “Just laugh… Otherwise he will make sure you wake up before the surgery is over and get a first row seat as your insides are put in a bowl or something.” I feigned a laugh and he was happy.
1. Who in God’s green earth came up with that? 2. What were they thinking? 3. Why for crying out loud does it have to be injected in the spinal cord?
It really hurts yet It is supposed to help or rather numb pain. I felt like throwing up, like I was going to faint, like my life had just flashed before my eyes. It was sooooooooooo painful… (I told you Sadists right!!)
“Bye bye world…….See you in a few hours”. I saw the light get dimmer and dimmer until it went out. My life was in God’s hands. I was at his mercy and not the surgeons. He was not holding the scalpel but he was directing it all.
Young or not, I had colon cancer. Young or not the journey to recovery had officially just started and I had some “comfy” shoes on. I was going to wake up lighter and healthier(was also hoping for skinnier but oohhh well). Jehovah was going to make sure of that. I had faith that he was standing right there next to the surgeon watching out for me.
I was not too young for his love and mercies.
I was not too young to survive cancer