I’m coming home Mama!!!!!!!!!!!!!

enter site A friend of mine uses the term “born 90’s” to describe those beautiful female creatures of God who do or say weird things. You know things like: “Oooohhh my Gwaaaaaash, hebu just imagine like my phone broke.. Haki I’m like soooo depressed”. I don’t recal ever talking like that but I was at one time clinically depressed. It didn’t take my phone breaking to get depressed but I was. I remember boarding a bus to go attend a group meeting but never making it because I had a panic attack. The driver had to stop the bus, get me out, sit me on a pavement and do some breathing exercises. It was exam week. I’m sure most of the students were happy with the turn of events. They had spend the weekend clubbing instead of studying and here comes little old me making traffic stop and causing them to miss their exams. How could I?? 

see I know how it feels like to be depressed. I know how it feels like to have a panic attack, to feel like everything is closing in on you. A week before my second chemo session I had a panic attack. I had just talked to my mom in kenya. She wasn’t feeling well. I felt so helpless and when the tears started flowing they could not stop. There are people in my life that are priceless and because of them I found myself packing my bags to go see my mama. I was going to travel THE day of my treatment….. Yes you heard me the day I was having chemo. The session took place in the morning and by 6pm I was on my way to the airport.(Allow me to apologise to the script writers I bashed on my last post. It is possible to have chemo and then go host a perfect dinner party.)

“I’m coming home” kept playing in my head. I have no idea how the chemo went thanks to the adrenaline shooting through my system. I arranged it with the doctors so that my rest week would be extended. I know my hand was painful and  breathing was hard, but I DID NOT CARE. I kept telling my body to stop misbehaving, like it or not I was going to travel. I wanted to suprise my mama but those incompetent people at the booking office sent the e-ticket to my moms email adress. “Aaaaaaahhh well who cares.. Naenda kuona mama”

prometrium 200 ovuli quanto costa Bags packed, passport(check), laptop(check), phone(check), medicines(check), my head(check)…. “I’m coming home mama,,,,,,I’m coming home”.

My flight was smooth. I tried my best not to drink alot of fluids because the first two days after chemo my pee is toxic. Hahaahhhahahhhahaha “I’m toxic” by Britney just popped in my head..and She was in a plane, wasn’t she??? When I couldn’t hold it in any longer I talked to the cabin crew. They were awesome. They gave me my own privet bathroom. KLM staff was just amazing. Nothing bothered me, not even the drunk guka trying to hit on me, making unwanted jokes about my hair and inviting me to Eldoret for a “fun” weekend. Eish that man could drink!!!!!

The minute we landed I said a prayer. 

I was in the same area code as my mama… I was going to see my mama… 

The drive to Machakos seemed longer than my flight. I had butterflies in my stomach, no wait it was more like someone was playing around with my insides. When my mama opened the gate and hugged me, I could not stop crying!!!!!!

There she was…. After 2 long years there she was. The woman that had raised us and given us the world. There she stood looking tired and frail. She was a shadow of her old self. I tried to hide the pain that was piercing my heart. All I  wanted to tell her was “Mom I am here and I will take care of you”. In the weeks that followed we took care of each other. They say that laughter is the best medicine and if you have ever met my mama you know she is a hoot. We had moments when we were both under the weather but we still kept laughing. She was my medicine and I was hers. We lifted each others spirits. 

This time around chemo did not get me down. I did not even think about it. I was home. My mind was at peace. Ooooohhh the things my mama and I did…………….. The moments we had just the two of us were amazing. There was a day I had guests over. My mama made us laugh till we could not take it anymore. Up to date my friends still quote her jokes. You see when you meet my mama it will not take long before she has you rolling on the floor laughing(rotfl). If you are a born 90’s and depressed because your phone broke then you need to meet my mama. She will make you forget about your phone. 

4 weeks. 4 weeks is all it took for my mama to change for the better. She transformed from this old and frail woman that had opened the gate for me a weeks earlier. She was now the bubbly, vibrant woman I couldn’t help but love. Everywhere we went people were amazed at how good she looked. I kept hearing comments like: “Eliza you are now driving, you look so much better and lively”. Those statements made my heart rejoice. They made every single day I spent with my mama a blessing. 

I was home. Jehovah had stood by us and after 2 years I was home.. I was with my mama.

*Mama I know you will read this post. Thank you mama for everything. You are the best mother in the whole world and I love  you*.          

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(My mama in Kenya, and my mama now. Night and day)

Reality VS Expectations

As much as doctors/surgeons perform countless surgeries ,they have no idea what the patient goes through. That is why they always make sure you know what the worst case scenarios are.

Before I started chemotherapy I had 2 such talks: one with my Oncologist and the other with a nurse that was going to get me through my first treatment. They explained to me what the side effects of the treatments were. With my treatment baldness was not going to be an issue but hair loss was a possibility. That was the least of my worries because I rock short hair. What was of concern was tingling sensations in toes and hands. If and when I felt that happening I was required to call my Oncologist. “But there is no need to worry.  It might not happen” he said.

Now me being a googler I took to google and made sure I knew what I was getting myself into. Yes I was getting myself into it !!!!!!

Alot of people had advised me against chemo. I got countless inboxes telling me to drink carrot juice for three months. Some told me to take soursop or even just go vegan. Now as much as I believe in eating healthy I also believe in modern medicine.  I was going to make sure I allowed myself to get the best it had to offer. I mean why else have I been paying health insurance for the past 18 years?????  Besides when I was young(like a year ago) I read plenty of stories where people turned orange from drinking/eating too many carrots. TLC(The Learning Channel) also aired such a case, and I tend to believe everything TLC features including the fact that Honey Boo Boo’s mother thinks eating spaghetti with butter and tomato sauce everyday is healthy.

My first treatment was on February 6th. I got all dolled up, my make-up was on point, you know eyebrows on fleek and all that. My patners in crime even packed my favorite foods incase hospital food was not 5 star quality. They say I am always criticizing everything I eat, but that’s not true. It’s hard to critique a slice of bread with cheese and a cup of tea, not that I don’t try)

The first treatment was going to last 3 hours. Now I am an avid watcher of girly series so I was kind of prepared, or so I thought. In such series during chemo one sits down on those massage chairs and has enough time to read tabloid magazines featuring only Kim Kardashian. After the treament she drives herself home and tries to hide the fact that she just had chemo. That is what I expected but the reality was so so soooooooooo different. Your system gets a salt flush that lasts 15 minutes. During those 15 minutes my body itched in places I never thought could itch(I will not go into details) Then came the actual chemo  IV drip.. Oohhhhh boy. I felt like my arm weighed a ton. I could not lift or move it. I can try to decscribe the pain but it’s indescribable. Once the treatment was done I thought I could  get up and go about my business. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak things got real. Bear in mind it was winter time. The cold air was chocking me, I could not speak. I felt like I was going to suffocate. It took two days before I could speak.

My love for girly series was flashed out of my system the minute I left the hospital. Those freaking liars!!!!!  Someone should make those script writters go through chemo. You just can’t write lies. Some of us looked up to those women and lamented “Oohhh I wish I was as strong as Bree(or whomever it is that was receiving treatments). She just had chemo and is in the kitchen ready to host a dinner party”. Lies all of them I tell you!!!!!!

All you want to do is crawl into bed and switch off the world……………….

That day I went through so many profound emotions and in between the emotions I tried to elegantly lean out of my bed and throw up because of the constant nausea. During such moments I was happy that I wasn’t wearing a dead horses hair better know as: A weave/wig. I also kept forgetting that anything cold (water, metal handles on doors or the keypad of my laptop) was like kryptonite to me.

Then there were the oral chemo drugs. I was going to take them for two weeks, have a week off and then the cycle would  commence again.

My expectations were nothing and I mean nothing like the reality. One session in and I was questioning my decision to have chemotherapy.

One thing I knew though was that I did not need to question if Jehovah would hold my hand through it all. He was going to lead the way.

That was just the reality!!!!!!