Reality VS Expectations

As much as doctors/surgeons perform countless surgeries ,they have no idea what the patient goes through. That is why they always make sure you know what the worst case scenarios are.

Before I started chemotherapy I had 2 such talks: one with my Oncologist and the other with a nurse that was going to get me through my first treatment. They explained to me what the side effects of the treatments were. With my treatment baldness was not going to be an issue but hair loss was a possibility. That was the least of my worries because I rock short hair. What was of concern was tingling sensations in toes and hands. If and when I felt that happening I was required to call my Oncologist. “But there is no need to worry.  It might not happen” he said.

Now me being a googler I took to google and made sure I knew what I was getting myself into. Yes I was getting myself into it !!!!!!

Alot of people had advised me against chemo. I got countless inboxes telling me to drink carrot juice for three months. Some told me to take soursop or even just go vegan. Now as much as I believe in eating healthy I also believe in modern medicine.  I was going to make sure I allowed myself to get the best it had to offer. I mean why else have I been paying health insurance for the past 18 years?????  Besides when I was young(like a year ago) I read plenty of stories where people turned orange from drinking/eating too many carrots. TLC(The Learning Channel) also aired such a case, and I tend to believe everything TLC features including the fact that Honey Boo Boo’s mother thinks eating spaghetti with butter and tomato sauce everyday is healthy.

My first treatment was on February 6th. I got all dolled up, my make-up was on point, you know eyebrows on fleek and all that. My patners in crime even packed my favorite foods incase hospital food was not 5 star quality. They say I am always criticizing everything I eat, but that’s not true. It’s hard to critique a slice of bread with cheese and a cup of tea, not that I don’t try)

The first treatment was going to last 3 hours. Now I am an avid watcher of girly series so I was kind of prepared, or so I thought. In such series during chemo one sits down on those massage chairs and has enough time to read tabloid magazines featuring only Kim Kardashian. After the treament she drives herself home and tries to hide the fact that she just had chemo. That is what I expected but the reality was so so soooooooooo different. Your system gets a salt flush that lasts 15 minutes. During those 15 minutes my body itched in places I never thought could itch(I will not go into details) Then came the actual chemo  IV drip.. Oohhhhh boy. I felt like my arm weighed a ton. I could not lift or move it. I can try to decscribe the pain but it’s indescribable. Once the treatment was done I thought I could  get up and go about my business. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak things got real. Bear in mind it was winter time. The cold air was chocking me, I could not speak. I felt like I was going to suffocate. It took two days before I could speak.

My love for girly series was flashed out of my system the minute I left the hospital. Those freaking liars!!!!!  Someone should make those script writters go through chemo. You just can’t write lies. Some of us looked up to those women and lamented “Oohhh I wish I was as strong as Bree(or whomever it is that was receiving treatments). She just had chemo and is in the kitchen ready to host a dinner party”. Lies all of them I tell you!!!!!!

All you want to do is crawl into bed and switch off the world……………….

That day I went through so many profound emotions and in between the emotions I tried to elegantly lean out of my bed and throw up because of the constant nausea. During such moments I was happy that I wasn’t wearing a dead horses hair better know as: A weave/wig. I also kept forgetting that anything cold (water, metal handles on doors or the keypad of my laptop) was like kryptonite to me.

Then there were the oral chemo drugs. I was going to take them for two weeks, have a week off and then the cycle would  commence again.

My expectations were nothing and I mean nothing like the reality. One session in and I was questioning my decision to have chemotherapy.

One thing I knew though was that I did not need to question if Jehovah would hold my hand through it all. He was going to lead the way.

That was just the reality!!!!!!

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