“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” William Goldman
Chemotherapy is not a walk in the park. Chemo drugs are toxic!!!!!!! They take a brobdingnagian toll on the body (Yes brobdingnagian is a word. I promise it is. Thank me now for teaching you a new word). The more sessions you have the longer it takes for your body to recover. Come to think of it, the body never trully recovers. 2 weeks of medicines then a week off and the cycle starts again. That one week off is not enough for the body to trully recover.
Allow me to get technical. I know it will be kind of boring but bear with me. You can just skim through but I’m hoping you won’t. It’s not that long, Scouts honour.
“Chemotherapies cause harm to the healthy cells in your body as they kill the cancer cells.
There is another way chemotherapies cause damage to users. They are toxic, poisoning your body. Some are much harsher than others, but all are toxic to one degree or another. Usually more than less. The resultant buildup of poisons and toxicity in your body causes the nausea, vomiting, hair loss, fatigue and illness that many experience with chemotherapy.
For most people the first two rounds of chemotherapy are a breeze. No bad problems. But as chemotherapy continues, the nausea, vomiting, hair loss, fatigue and illness develop.
What happens is that the liver started out being strong enough to handle the chemo toxins. The body sents the toxins to the liver to be removed as it cleans the blood. Which it is supposed to do. And the liver, as it is decently healthy, is able to remove them.
But at some point it can no longer effectively get rid of the chemotherapy toxins.
The kidneys also attempt to get rid of chemotherapy toxins, but they are not capable of detoxing nasty toxins like chemotherapy toxins, and become damaged by these toxins. Some chemotherapies do cause renal failure. Too much chemotherapy can kill you faster than the cancer would”.
Phhhhheeeeew…. Even I got bored typing that!!!!!. Hopefully you learned something new and now understand why my 3rd hemo session was sooo painful.
The thought of going in for more chemo had me running scared. I was petrified!!!!
And then the time came for my 4th session. I woke up and went through my usual routine. I contoured my face applied blush and even used a waterproof mascara that I had bought just for this occasion. I was not taking any chances, I mean do you know how one looks like when she she cries and her mascara runs??? I did not want to look like I stepped out of a horror movie!!!!.
This time around I was not worried about throwing up elegantly. I had gotten rid of the horse hair that had occupied my head before and was now rocking short hair although no by choice. My hair had fallen off. The little that was left made me look like I had Alopecia(not making a mock of people that suffer from alopecia). I rock short hair so I wasn’t sad to chop it off.
My entourage was there to offer moral support. I went through the pre-chemo routine, had a few laughs with the nurses, took a few sefies(Now I know you all love selfies so don’t act like you don’t!!!). To be honest my heart was throbbing. I was so not ready to be in pain. It was going to hurt that much I was sure of. The anticipation of pain is sometimes just as bad as the actual pain.
I want to say that my stomach was in a knot but I was missing a large chunk. I did not have enough stomach to tie a knot. 🙂
The session was awful. At some point I had no idea what to do with my life. My whole body was itchy and when I say my whole body I mean my whole body!!! Even my hair,,, Like seriously my hair itched plus other places that I cannot mention here so I will not.
And then the nausea kicked in, without any warning and it kept kicking in. Then came the running stomach. Getting to the little girls room took forever. I decided to camp there because I had no idea what was going to come out of which opening. Theeeeeen came the dizzy spells. I was also sweating like a pig(Who came up with that saying???? A pig does not even sweat!!!). All I wanted was to lay on the toilet floor and wake up when it was all over.
I was a mess but thanks to my waterproof mascara I still looked good. I was hot and in a mess… I was a hot mess(hahahahahaha).
Once back in bed the nurse decided to give me more anti-nausea medicine. It did not help. Neither did the dose after that. Chemo was done but I had to stay a while longer. I was not getting better no matter how much they tried. I remember yelling(in a soft voice since I did not have strength to really yell) at the nurse and telling her to let me go home. I was cold but sweating. I was dizzy. I was in pain. I wanted to go home.
They finally allowed me to go home. Yeeeeeesss…………………………….
Once home I ran to my room, well more like walked quickly. Everything hurt. It was cold outside and that had a monumental effect on my body . The pain was crazy. I was shaking, crying, cold and tired. I decided to take a warm shower thinking it was the perfect way to warm me up. Boy was I wrong. I experienced a new kind of pain the minute the water hit my body. Water hurt. Just how crazy is that!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ran out and dived back in bed, wet and in tears. The next few days nilijipiga passport.
It’s funny……..The thing that is meant to make you better is the same thing that hurts you. But then again Jehovah does NOT allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear. He will ALWAYS make a way out so that we can be able to endure.
So what is a little pain, or nausea, or feeling and looking like a hot mess?????
The really rough, bad, ghastly, horrendous things that we go through in life end up shaping us, they end up making us stronger, tenacious. Embrase those moments. Learn from them afterall,,
We have to go through pain to Grow!!!