I have been trying to write this article for a while now. It is by far the most difficult article I have ever had to write. Why??? Because I have to tell you how my mama wept and if there is anything I abhor it’s seeing a parent, any parent shed tears.
Through this Chemo journey my mama had been in Kenya. We talked on the phone and saw each other just after my second session. She had gone through Chemo as well so she had an idea of what I was going through. She came back to Holland a week before I had my 7th session. She did not feel like she could stay in the room with me as I went through Chemo. As much as I wanted her there with me I understood her apprehension.
I have talked about Chemo for a while now. The pain gets worse with each session and so does the nausea and all those other fun side effects. Session number 7 was not going to be less fun. In fact I was looking forward to that other fun moment where I had to rush to the toilet dragging my IV pole behind me. It always felt like some weird olympic game.
Will I make I make it to the fun little ladies room before:
1. Throwing up all over the floor or
2. Soiling my grandma undies??!!! (It helps to visualise it in an Olympic setting)
We started the day with our usual rituals. I went easy on the makeup. I was anticipating hotflashes and tears so I exed the mascara. Mom on the other hand was not as cheerful as the rest of us were. She drove us to the hospital, walked with us to my hotel room and then decided to stay. My heart sunk!!!! I did not want her to stay. I knew how the whole experience was going to hurt us both. Her emotionally and me well…………………take a wild guess!!!
Now this is where my life as we know would change….. This is the moment eeeeeeerrrrrrthaang started coming into place. I went through the usual 101 questions. Then they asked me “Do you have any tingling sensation in your finger tips and toes?” My answer was “YES”. Immediately a call was made to my oncologist and a Doctor was send my way to lower the dosage of the chemo medicine. One would think that I would have swirled through the treatment but one would be wrong!!!! Very wrong.
This is why I could not bring myself to finish this article. My mom started to tear up. I could see the pain in her eyes. To see her that way hurt me more than the treatment. I never ever ever want to see my mom cry. When she could no longer hold back her tears she left the room.
After she came back to the room I tried my best to hide the pain. My pain would bring pain to my Mama and that in turn would pain me even more and the circle would continue.. I kept praying to Jehovan to give me the strength to take it all in. I remember telling my mama that everything was going to be fine. So far Jehovah had held our hands through it all. As long as we held on He was not going to let go…
I will forever remember this Session. It’s the session that changed my life in so many ways.
It was the first session that my mama witnessed and the pain in her eyes was heartbreaking. I was more than grateful to Jehovah for keeping her alive to cry with me but above all to laugh with us and hold my hand through the rest of this journey!!!
*See that white can/jug/mug (or whatever) that my mom is carrying??? That was my cuddle buddy after each session. We got a few. Everytime I threw up in one we would dispose it outside because my puke and pee were toxic. Of not properly dispossed they had the potential to turn someone into a super hero. Spiderman was bitten by a radioactive spider no be so???? I was toxic…… Do not correct me!!!!!! I had the power to turn someone into a super hero!!!!*
Ooohhhh just one more thing. We had to throw the contents of that white mug outside in our organic trash bin. Snails love that bin. I am sure there is a snail that consumed a teaspoon of those contents and turned into a radioactive snail. So somewhere out there there is a snail that is immune to salt and can’t be stepped on and killed. This snail is so powerful that it can’t be turned into a delicious escargots à la bourguignonne. No one has been bitten yet because at the end of the day it is still a snail…Tooooooooo slow!!!!(Don’t mind me. My mind works overtime)