Back To Normal??!!!!

I am PRO modern medicine….I really am.

I’m also PRO Google.

Ya’ll need to have a good relationship with Google.

I Google everything!!!!!! Heck I even Google how to exist, how to wake up happy or how to smile. That’s how much I value Google. So when I was told I had cancer I ran to Google. When My surgeon told me that I needed Chemotherapy……………I ran to Google.. When my Oncologist told me that I was going to need Combination Chemo……… guessed it……. I ran to google!!!!

After my chemo sessions were over I thought that my life would go back to normal and I would be one of those people who write testimonials (well I do but not in the way I’d hoped to) all over facebook with the caption “Type Amen”.

Mmmhhhhh Normal!!!!!???? Does life ever get back to “Normal” after  it’s been turned upside down???

I remember waking up to what seemed like an anomalous type of pain.. (Chaeee yes nah…..  I know how to use Thesaurus which I googled.) During the 7th Chemo session my Oncologist asked me if I was experiencing tingling sensations on my toes and fingers. These sensations are supposed to disappear/subside a week or so after the drip chemo. Because they had not it was decided that my chemo dosage would be reduced.

A week before my 8th session I got a phone call from my Oncologist. He wanted to know if I was tingling sensation free. I was not and that is how my Chemotherapy sessions were cut shoot.

Around July 31  the tingling sensations on my feet  started getting worse. I called my Oncologist and he more or less brushed it off. He reminded me that it was a side effect of chemotherapy. I tried to explain to him that the feeling was no longer your “run-of-the-mill” type of feeling. I was pain!!! It was getting more and more difficult to walk. I could no longer sleep through the night because my blanket felt like it weighed a ton. My feet felt like they were getting stifled by my clothes and shoes.

Can you imagine that??? Feeling like you are getting asphyxiated by a pair of socks????

There are some things that are IMMENSELY hard to explain and the pain  I was going through was one of those things.

Now I love Doctors…… I really do but I feel like at times they have to check in their feelings and emotions at the door. Since they deal with so much it would be stupid to expect otherwise. You are seen as a paycheck and the sad fact is you are a paycheck. Don’t get me wrong, like I said I’m pro modern medicine, but I’m also pro slapping a doctor back to reality. At least that is how I felt about my Oncologist.

My Oncologist ya’ll!!!!!!!That man was soooooooooooooooooo…………. fudging annoying. We kept making calls after calls about my  new found pain and all we got was: “Give it  time, it will  get better”. In the meantime the pain was becoming unbearable. I remember my mom and I sitting at his office asking him for the umpteenth time why the “tingling” sensation was no longer restricted to my feet.. ” Why is it that the pain is now up to her knees?” asked my mom. I had to calm her down and let the poor doctor  answer because my sweet mama was about to go all Bruce Lee on him. Again he told us that we needed to give it time. “Some of these side effects take up to a year before they subside”, was his favorite phrase.

Pain is such a strange concept.

We think we know pain but we don’t. My surgery was all levels of laborious and I thought that I was never ever eveeeeeeeeeeeer going to experience pain again. Boy was I wrong!!!!!!!!!!!

My new found pain was creating non fleek moments in my life. I would wake up with new and different types of pain.

It was super super annoying having to go through life not knowing what to expect. I was not sure what was happening and worse still my doctors were not giving me answers.

I remember breaking down a few times. I would pray to Jehovah to give me the strength to deal.

was put on pain medicines that were strong enough to knock down a horse…or two.

I was told to give it time. To be patient. Things were going to get back to “Normal”.

In the meantime my life was changing right in front of my eyes. I was loosing track of what I used to percieve as  “Normal”.

My new “Normal” was not covering my legs while I slept because my blankets were too heavy. I could no longer wear heels, tight clothes or drive.

“Back to Normal”, they said!!!!!!!